My 5 favorite tools for processing anger
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Happy Sunday, Soothers. I'm sure like many, if not most of you, I was furious, dismayed, terrified at the overturn of Roe vs. Wade. Horrible implications aside, this gave me a chance to think about how learning to better process our emotions is such an important part of being able to release, get grounded, and move forward in community with activism, solidarity and organization to keep building the world that many of us envision.
This isn't easy to do with anger, in particular. I don't know about you, but my anger is probably my most complicated, feared, scary, shameful emotion. I am angry like, all the time. I have been angry most of my life. I have had every right to feel this anger. Yet, I hid it. Yet, I suppressed it. Yet, I was shamed by others for it. So I shoved it down.
Never again.
Highly sensitive women can struggle to allow expression of anger. It can seem dangerous; it feels intense; we may have learned as a child it wasn't safe or "proper" to express it.
But as sovereign adults, we must learn that anger is a righteous and important emotion. Suppressing it hurts our hearts and our health. Energy, and emotions, are meant to move through us. Our bodies are the physical vessel meant to express these visitors: through screaming, crying, running, punching, shaking.
If you're ready to learn to allow anger to flow through you and be processed so you can return to groundedness, here are my five favorite tools for processing anger.
Scrawl journaling: If I'm super angry but I know it's not appropriate for me to express it to another person I'll turn to my journal. I will put on some loud music, tap into my angry toddler or teen self, and LET IT GO on the page. I'm talking saying the NASTIEST, meanest, most rage-filled stuff on the page. I have called loved ones "motherfuckers" in this kind of journaling, lol. I have called coworkers and friends assholes. I have just said all the darkest, rudest, meanest stuff and literally "scrawled" it on the page, that's why I call it scrawl journaling, you can barely read my words afterwards. I try to go for 20 minutes, then I rip up, burn or shred the pages afterwards.
Rage dancing: Pretty much what it sounds like. I'll put on some loud music and dance like a very intense person, stomping, punching, shaking, yelling. Yes, I look like a damn fool but nobody needs to see. Need some music help? There are lots of "dance your anger" out playlists on Spotify.
Screaming/beating: This is also... pretty much what it sounds like. I will scream into pillows and beat them. That's about it. I have a tennis racket that is great for this, too. One time during the week before Biden was confirmed as president, I went into the woods where I was reasonably sure nobody could hear me, screamed, picked up a stick off the ground and beat it into smithereens against a tree stump. That was awesome. You really need to try this one. I recommend just trying this even if you don't think you are angry. You'll probably tap into some anger under the surface.
Shaking: In the book Waking the Tiger, Peter Levine, a therapist, talks about how humans often struggle with PTSD after a traumatic event while animals in the wild just shake themselves off and move on. Humans don’t complete the cycle of trauma by failing to dislodge stuck energy from the freeze response. This stuck energy in the body has a negative impact on our health, mental health, emotional stability, and often keeps us perpetually in the trauma response. “Shaking” is an easy way for us to dislodge stuck energies from our bodies helping us complete the cycle of trauma in regards to whatever is coming up for us. It's easy, just turn on a song (or you can do it without music, too) and start by shaking your hands/arms. Then do your feet and legs. Then, your whole body. Shake for anywhere between 3-10 minutes using your intuition on how to move. Again, you can find YouTube or Spotify music playlists for this.
EFT tapping: Overall EFT tapping is one of my all-time favorite processing tools for all emotions. EFT standings for "emotional freedom technique" and this tool is also frequently referred to simply as "tapping." It's a process of tapping on meridian points on the body while saying thoughts and affirmations out loud to release stuck energy in the body that is attached to thoughts, emotions and beliefs. By tapping on these meridian points as you focus on an issue, you are restoring the energetic balance in these meridian channels AND also sending signals to your brain to lower the stress response to said issue. It's been scientifically proven to reduce cortisol levels and treat anxiety (43% reduction after an hour of tapping in one study) and has also been approved by the VA as a powerful tool for treating PTSD (after 6 sessions, 90% of study participants no longer fit the PTSD clinical criteria). Brad Yates on YouTube is great, as is an app called The Tapping Solution.
Anger is natural. Allow yourself to feel it. If it helps, imagine this: A mighty river, pent up behind a dam for decades, with no management, no expression of its flow, no release, ever. When it does eventually burst, it can destroy villages of the people it loves, the communities it counts on. But when it has a regular, natural process of release of its power, of its fury, that expression is directed elsewhere, in a way that doesn't harm people it wants to care for.
What do you use to express your anger? Share your favorite tools and techniques with me via email, I'd love to hear.