Rules I'm setting for myself in 2022
New questions, new rules.
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Happy Sunday, Soothers. A saying I refer to often goes like this: The quality of your life is determined by the quality of the questions you ask.
This maxim has guided my life in the last few years, and I can attribute a lot of my personal and professional success to it. I've written about this before; here's an entire post I wrote on "The Best Questions I Ask Myself." I also consistently refer back to Debbie Ford's book, The Right Questions, when I'm struggling to make a decision. Some of her questions she writes about in that book include "Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?" and "Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve or will I use it to beat myself up?"
As we head into 2022, I've been refining a list of questions I want to ask myself in the new year, more geared toward helping me to learn to rest (still a big struggle), learn to slow down (also, uh, an issue), and lean more into pleasure and joy than obligation.
I've developed this list of questions to take with me into the new year, and my new rule is this: I run choices and decisions, both business and personal, past this list and if the situation doesn't pass muster, I must say no.
Here is a rough first draft, I'm sure I'll add to this:
Is this experience going to be fun and joyful, or meaningful? I like this because 1. it's not that easy to say yes to joy and fun, so this gives me permission to lean more into those. And I like having the option to also include meaningful things in there. This isn't a choice between "easy" or "hard work." I don't mind hard work at all, but I want to make sure I'm getting meaning out of the experience.
Does this simplify my life or complicate it? If complicates it, how and when, and is that worth my peace?
Will this choice affect my sleep and ability to rest?
Does this choice lead to more connection with others and myself, or more disconnection?
Do I understand my why behind making this decision, and do I like it? I often tell my clients you can say yes or no to anything, all you need to know is your reasons behind doing so, and like the majority of those reasons.
Does the thought of this opportunity or choice make me feel constricted, or make me feel expanded?
What other feels arise in my body when thinking of this opportunity? What is my body trying to tell me? How can I trust its wisdom?
Will this choice end up increasing my screen time on my phone or computer?
From what 1. thought and 2. emotion am I making this choice? In all my courses and coaching I teach a tool called the self-coaching model, and you write down your thought and feeling the thought causes in situations where you need clarity. I refer to the thought and feeling put together as the springboard for the action you end up taking in a situation. If the thought and the emotion are constructive and supportive ones, your action will go far. If the thought and emotion are fear or shame-based, as an example, you may as well be taking action from a broken springboard -- you could end up not going anywhere, or indeed causing yourself some harm.
What is my motivation behind this choice and would I be happy to share that motivation with somebody I respect and admire?
Does this match my list of core values? My 5 core values are Success, Independence, Exploration, Improvement, Beauty. I run decisions past this list as a guiding light for if they match what I have promised myself and know to be my truth. Do you know your core values? I teach an inventive process for uncovering your true core values in my course, An Introduction to Intentional Living. These core values act as guideposts for so much in your life, and it's so valuable to uncover what they truly are for you.
I hope this list of questions inspire you as we head in to 2022, and I encourage you to make your own set of rules for the year ahead, or questions you can refer to that will nudge you, too, towards rest, beauty, connection, meaning, values and authenticity.
If you're ready to live your life intentionally, with meaning, values, self-trust and intuition, enroll in my Introduction to Intentional Living course. We've got a wonderful flourishing community in there already, ready to shift their 2022s from passive to intentional, and I'd love to have you, too. We close enrollment at the end of this month.