Safe in the unsafest way

Happy Sunday, Soothers. You might not be surprised at the amount of casual jokes I get from folks referencing that I'm in a cult. I'm an online life coach, I read Tarot, I do feng shui, I do nature practices, I have a healthy skepticism of authority and power figures. I get it. I'm not above laughing at myself too, at a bit of the cliche I have become as a straight white woman in my 40s. 

But I really started thinking about this in a different way when I was working a couple of years ago with a beloved client. She was talking about how irritating she found a particular person online, who talked a lot about money. Admittedly, this person DID focus on money in a way I also found a bit over-the-top (though I know at this point in my life that when I want to judge somebody harshly or find them irritating, there's some work for me to do there about my own wounds). But what my client said had my ears snap up:

"Ugh. It's like she's in a cult. This feels like a cult to me."

I looked at my beautiful, tender client in that moment. This was a woman who was dealing with multiple autoimmune conditions that had been brought on by the stress of her job. She was losing hair and unable to sleep most nights. The bulk of her coaching sessions were spent on ruminations about how stressful she found the workplace and how angry she was at the male leadership. But she struggled with the idea of leaving because of the good money she was making, and how identified she was with her role and field.

I didn't say this out loud, of course, but I thought to myself, "Who's really in a cult, here?"

This incredible woman was sacrificing her body and mind at the altar of capitalism and patriarchy, and couldn't see it as the cult it is. 

Most of my clients and students dream about leaving the system of capitalism, their 9-5 jobs that are deeply stressful and exploitative and patriarchal. 

But they tell me they can't do it because they need the paycheck. They need the health insurance. They need the security, the safety, the stability. 

All I can think about when I hear this is, first: yes. We can't magically live outside of capitalism, most of us. We need money, we need healthcare, we have others possibly dependent on us.

But I also think about how much capitalism has duped us into thinking it's the safest option. (By the way, your 9-5 is NOT more stable, secure or safe than YOU. I wrote more about that here.)

This is why I've started to refer to the system of capitalism as "safe in the unsafest way."

I posted a couple of weeks ago that this meme/take was my Roman Empire (aka I think about it constantly):

(And I echo the meme creator's comment: "To be clear the first slide is about capitalism as a cult. Not a failing for you and me to do what we must to feed ourselves and family. Just pointing out the propaganda in this way of life.")

Is it really so safe?

We can earn money we need to live... but many of us will sacrifice our health, pleasure, humanity to do so. We're isolated from community. We start to believe we have no power, no capacity, no personal agency, no capability. We have so little time for pleasure, rest, joy, family, relationships. We can't imagine who we are outside of our job roles and professional identity. We dutifully pay money into systems that don't represent most of our beliefs and values. 

Are the systems you're in really that safe? 

Here are some other things I've been told are unsafe or cult-like behavior...

• I get the bulk of my drinking water from a nearby natural spring (shout out to findaspring.org). For some reason, around this issue in particular, people flipping LOSE THEIR MINDS when they find this out and assume I'm going to get all manner of nasty infections or health problems from this (yes, I have tested it with an at-home testing kit). Well, I just watched a 60 Minutes episode last night on how the Navy served up JET FUEL SOAKED WATER to families on a base in Hawaii for weeks, without admitting it, and now are reluctant to provide long-term care solutions for everybody whose health was massively impacted, including children. And we all know what happened in Flint, and god knows how many other communities across the country. I'm not saying that all tap water is unsafe; having easily accessible, treated and filtered water is a goddamn miracle in most cases and I'm thankful for it. But how is my choice unsafe or like a cult? Which is more like a cult — getting safe and free natural water from the earth, or no reparations or care for people literally poisoned by water, after having it denied by the powers that be for weeks, months, YEARS? Which is safe in the unsafest way?

• I spend a lot of time in the sun, and have begin recently studying the health benefits of careful, modulated sunlight exposure (based on your Fitzpatrick skin type, time of day, and your location) as well as syncing up to a more natural circadian rhythm (sunrise first thing, sunlight through out the day as I can, see sunset at night if I can, then wearing red-tinted blue blocker light glasses at night after sunset). I also never wear sunglasses. We've been taught so deeply to fear the sun, when most health and mental health conditions are at least in part connected to a lack of vitamin D. But, the sun is like... literally the only reason we have life on this planet, and all animals and plant life are exposed to it all day long (I mean, I guess not deep sea or nocturnal creatures) and do just fine, and so did humans up until about 50 years ago (so, literally, like hundreds of thousands of years). Who's unsafer, me, getting a natural tan, trusting my intuition that tells me when I've had enough sun (as well as confirming with some standards and support from research around this), and being outside more, or somebody who never sees the sun? I mean, think about a plant, or let's say, a horse. That horse or plant wakes up in a closet, and is blasted by blue light. Throughout the day it's moved from closet to closet. Sometimes it has windows, but mostly it's dosed in screens and blue light. It's fed good water and food, but never really goes outside. At night, you shine an iPhone at it for a couple of hours. THIS WOULD BE AN EXTREMELY UNWELL PLANT AND/OR HORSE. And yet, I'm unsafe if I'm outside a lot, or I'm in a weird cult if I'm wearing glasses that reduce screen light exposure at night? Did you know that it has been repeatedly proven that artificial light at night is a factor in breast and colorectal cancers?! I'm calling BS. Safe in the unsafest way.

• I talk to my ancestors, my spirit guides, my higher self and my inner child daily, as well as plants, flowers, animal and nature, and the universe overall. To get in touch with them, I sometimes pull Tarot cards or do channeled writing or dreamwork. They give me counsel, advice, wisdom. They are my TEAM. They have got my back. They have taught me to trust myself, to access my wisdom and intuition, and to be my bravest, boldest, most authentic self. They are my best friends. They have taught me there are beings and support systems who will always have my best interests at mind, that there is a fountain of endless support beyond the realm that we can see. And yet for these practices, many are apt to call me brainwashed or woo-woo. I'm sorry, who's on YOUR support team? Who gives YOU advice? That you actually trust? Who's your mentor? Kevin, your corporate VP?? Humans who love you, but counsel you out of fear and tell you not to go after your dreams because they're not "logical"? Hard pass. Safe in the unsafest way.

With everything I write in the Sunday Soother, I don't expect readers to agree or do what exactly I do. I wouldn't want that. I don't think everybody needs to have a spiritual practice or drink spring water or quit their jobs. I realize most people CAN'T do a lot of these things, either, because of the systems we're all stuck in, or health issues, or parenting/caregiving duties, or financial restraints, or structural oppression and racism. 

But what I hope, most of all, is to provoke, just even a little bit, your thoughts. To being some critical thinking. To have you question your automatic beliefs, your daily routines, the systems we are in. To not just nod along and say, "Yeah, these systems are messed up," but actually DO something about it in our daily lives that reflects our intent to start to break free. 

Here are some further journal prompts to explore this topic: 

• Did any parts of this essay trigger me? What were they? What's at the root of those triggers?

• What are 3 things I fear? Who taught me to fear them? Why might they have taught me that? 

• Is there anything in nature I'm afraid of? Why? What is the basis of that fear? 

• Who are 3 people, either people I know in my life or follow online, that I judge? Why do I judge them? What might my judgments of them have to tell me about my own desires or fears? 

• How do you define a cult?

• What cult might you are already be in that you have been told to believe is safe in the unsafest way?