The millionth circle

Happy Sunday, Soothers. Have you ever been part of an intentional women's circle?

Maybe you're lucky enough to have been in these spaces, or taught how to join and create them from the women in your family.

Or maybe, like me, you had some bullying when you were young from other girls, making you a bit gun-shy and skeptical about communing with other women. Perhaps you rolled your eyes at new-age-y concepts like women's circles, or at the idea of vulnerably sharing with others at all.

I get it. Due to the aforementioned bullying and exclusion at the hands of other young girls in elementary school, and then again high school, I grew up with an innate distaste for being vulnerable in front of others, let alone other women.

(This sort of bullying/exclusion, by the way, is really common for my clients. As highly sensitive kiddos, we may have been bullied, or maybe not even outright bullied, but just had a sense that we were... different, or maybe felt slightly othered, or on the outside edges of social groups in our youths and adolescence).

I definitely had wonderful women friends, but they were more often one-on-one or in a larger group. I yearned for deeper female friendships, and I think innately for the concept of women's circles, though I didn't even really know they existed.

Over time, as I entered group therapy in my 30s, got more into spirituality and retreats, and started my own work hosting and facilitating circles, I came to find the power inherent in gathering with women undeniable, and so healing.

I also started to learn the history of women's circles, and how they were intentionally squelched out of culture and society, on purpose. There's evidence that points to women gathering in circle as far back as 30,000 years ago. Many were directly tied to menstruation and the moon cycles, with menstrual hut and moon lodge traditions all over the world that date back to 800 CE. Other types of women's circles existed, too — healing circles; circles to make clothes or dry herbs and create medicine; circles of women gathered to help a woman giving birth; and much more.

As the patriarchy began to grow and spread more deeply in the 1400 and 1500s in Western Europe, and witch trials and persecution of healers and women took more hold, women's circles that were centered on healing, gathering, sharing, community and more were actually mostly fully outlawed and banned, and much of the tradition lost.

But women are clever, and circles have managed to persist into our modern times. You may not think of a Mary Kay gathering as a women's circle, but it could be. Book clubs — yup. Cooking and sewing circles, sure. A lot of the re-emergence of women's circles has had to take place under the guise of their purpose being related to maintaining the home/traditional women's home labor, so that the patriarchy would view the circles as harmless, but still the power and connection remained.

And today, we're lucky enough to live in a time when women's circles, related to ritual, sacred practices, sharing, activism, healing and more are available to us, and on the rise.

I recently learned about the concept of "the millionth circle." The phrase comes from Jean Shinoda Bolen’s book ‘The Millionth Circle: How to Change Ourselves and The World’ and the belief she states is that when there are one million women's circles being held around the world, the patriarchy will finally fall.

Because women's circles are places of activation of power. Of healing. Of knowledge, passed from woman to woman, generation to generation. Of receiving, of vulnerability. Of sisterhood, of friendship, of acceptance, of action, of activism, of community.

Powerful things happen when women gather with intention. And things happen in those circles that are dangerous to the patriarchy, which is why for centuries women's circles have either been outright banned at worst, or mocked as "woo woo" or hippie-ish at best.

Today, I want to invite you into the practice of finding a women's circle in your life. I know many of us may struggle with this. We may feel we don't have time, or we have social anxiety and it's hard to show up, or there's a fear of being turned on that may stem from something as recent as childhood bullying, or go all the way back to when it was literally life-threatening to be in a women's circle during the time of witch hunts and persecution. Our concerns may also simply be not knowing where to find a women's circle in our community. Perhaps you're new to an area, or you live in a more rural area that's not very densely populated, or you haven't made friends or a community yet wherever you are.

If you find yourself intrigued by the concept of circling, I'd like to today invite you into my Soothe Circle, beginning in 2024. Soothe is my year-long circle and mentorship for highly sensitive women. Inside of Soothe, month by month, I do my best to pass to and teach to you all of the wisdom I've gleaned about being a highly sensitive person. There are teaching circles, and then, there are also 2x a month small circles, where you gather with 4-5 women (with me facilitating) in your own small group. In those 90 minutes, twice a month, we share our highs and our lows; our lessons and our challenges; our takeaways from the teachings and how we're applying them in our lives; and I also lead you through live exercises, meditations, and prompts designed to deepen your experience and the sharing.

Soothe is also evolving this year from the past two years I've run it. Because I've heard the call, I've added an in-person component. We'll come together for a weekend, all in person, for a retreat here in rural Virginia near my home in fall of 2024.

Additionally, I am weaving in more of the teachings around earth, herbal and flower medicine that I've been so lucky and privileged to incorporate into my life the past several years. In the Soothe circles, I'll be teaching you concepts like how to make a nourishing nervous system tonic from easily accessible herbs. We'll work with ritual cacao in setting our intentions, and I'll be sending you hand-picked flower essences to help energetically shift any blocks you may be experiencing. Finally, for those who are interested, we'll also spend 6-8 weeks working with microdosing earth medicine, as I have found this one of the most sacred and nourishing practices for helping me feel grounded, connected, more in touch with nature, and deeper into my purpose.

Think of the Soothe circle like a mix between your favorite college professor's classes where you can't stop taking notes on concepts, plus time spent hiking out in nature with your older sister's witchy best friend who is pointing out seasonal herbs to support you.

I'd love to have you consider the Soothe circle. Enrolling is happening until early December, and we begin for a full year together in January. You can book a discovery call here (a prerequisite for the program) and read more about Soothe here; payment plans are available.

If Soothe is not for you at this time and season, here is some other guidance on finding, or even starting your own women's circles:

• Like most spiritual things, you can start at a local yoga or movement studio, if you have one. Ask an instructor if they know of any area circles you could join, and oftentimes yoga studios are hosting their own, often around the new moon.

• You might also see if you have a Unitarian church near you. Unitarian Universalism is a theologically liberal and inclusive belief system and their churches often hold gatherings and circles.

• Simply ask around! Word of mouth is great for finding circles, or gauging interest. Consider posting on social media or even Reddit.

• Your therapist, or a local therapist, may have group therapy offerings exclusively for women. It isn't necessarily a women's circle, and will be more about therapeutic growth and healing, but could be a great place to join. I got my start in group work by attending group therapy for nearly a decade.

• Meetup.com and sometimes Eventbrite.com will have listings for women's circles near you, so google those.

• Also never underestimate the power of simply googling, "Women's circle near me" and see what you can find.

• Know it's like finding the right therapist — you might have to go to a few circles before finding one that you feel aligned with.

• If you are interested in starting or hosting a circle yourself, there are lots of books out there to guide you. One you may like is Sacred Circles: A Guide To Creating Your Own Women's Spirituality Group.

May our community here around the Sunday Soother contribute to the growing number of women's circles arising in this time, may we create and circle and gather up until the millionth circle is held at some point across the world, and may we once again activate the healing and power inherent when circles of women gather together. This is my prayer for us today.