Tips for surviving The Portal
Happy Sunday, Soothers. When this essay from Anne Helen Petersen of Culture Study, titled, Are You In The Portal? hit earlier this year, I knew she’d be talking squarely to so many of you in the Sunday Soother audience.
Petersen writes: “Earlier this year, I was flailing around after my dog Peggy’s death, trying to figure out what I wanted to write about next. On Instagram, Anja Tyson suggested: “the weird spiritual / emotional / professional / transitional portal that women ages 37 to 45 are in.” I became obsessed with this idea of a portal, and when I brought it up — on IG, but also in casual conversation — it seemed to resonate. Something was happening. Maiden-becomes-crone, sure. Destabilizing, yes. But it was also an experience of transformation, of refinement. So I started talking to people about what this portal might be. And here’s what they told me.”
The piece is well worth continuing to read, as Petersen goes on to interview a Jungian psychiatrist, an executive coach, and other creative women on their take on and experience of the portal.
They reflect on everything from the physical symptoms of it, the seemingly mid-life crisis desires it can embolden, and, I think, what I’ve come to see as the most potent aspect of this portal:
Releasing being the “should girl” or waking up from being the “good girl” and the radical implications and acts of stepping out of that towards your actual authenticity.
When Petersen’s essay came into my inbox, I nodded along reading it, having realized I was coming out of my own portal of around 37-43, which is when I see most folks find themselves experiencing this awakening.
I had already been clued into the concept of this particular portal by Robin Clark, who connects it to the astrological transit of the Saturn/Uranus opposition that takes place in that age range.
Whether or not you follow or believe in astrology, I wouldn’t be surprised if you can find yourself in some of the characteristics of this portal, which, to me, showed up as…
Realizing I was not fulfilled in my career or what I was doing in my life and that it lacked meaning
Yearning for knowing a deeper purpose
Physical changes that looking back I can associate with peri-menopause beginning, which, spoiler alert, can definitely start for women in their 30s (for me it was hair loss, weight gain, intense mood swings)
A dawning awareness of the systems set up to keep women in subservience and people pleasing (aka the patriarchy). Like I’d sort of been beforehand like chirping “Yeah, fuck the patriarchy!” But now I was like, scream-stopping, sweating, angry shouting, “FUCK THE PATRIARCHY!” You really, really start to see its tentacles everywhere.
A growing rage at those systems
A deeper search for meaning and an opening to spirituality. It’s no mistake this time is when I had my spiritual awakening; I got into Tarot and reiki around 37/38. And look at me now!
Crumbling of existing systems or support structures that were holding me back (jobs or relationships may disappear)
I see a lot of divorces and breakups happen during this portal period and age range
General radical personal transformation over the 5-7 years of the period (peep me, starting out at 37 as a senior corporate employee, not at all spiritual, totally agnostic, not really connected to nature, in series of disastrous relationships, trying to socialize in a big city, now, ending 43 [I’ll be 44 in January] as a spiritual mentor and coach, living in a 300-year-old house in nature with my partner, not drinking, only mind-altering drugs I’m taking being psychedelic plant medicine. Ha. Actually when I write this all out damn, that WAS a transformation.).
Are you sweating yet?
I don’t have demographic data on the Sunday Soother readers but I’m willing to bet a big chunk of my readership falls into this portal category, age not-withstanding (maybe you’re younger or older).
So. If you’re in the portal, what do you… do? How do you navigate it? CAN you navigate it? Maybe you’re out there screaming, “PLEASE GOD FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER PLANETS ARE IN THE SKY HELP ME MOVE THROUGH THIS!”
Well, as somebody who has navigated the portal — not adeptly, necessarily, not gracefully, but who did come out on the other side utterly transformed and is now looking back — why yes, I do have some tips.
(And please, don’t let the age restriction of the 37-43 period make you feel like you can’t relate to being in the portal. If you are in the portal, you are in the portal. What I found is that if folks are older and past 43, but resisted strongly and didn’t accept the invitations of the portal the first go around, they are encountering them at each big decade marker — 50s, 60s and so on. So this can still apply to you. And younger folks, you too, especially around your late 20s/30s during the Saturn return. Portals gonna portal regardless of age.)
So today I’m going to be inviting you into a series, Navigating the Portal, and in the next few weeks or months we’re going to go over the following portal-navigating-related tips…
Regulating your nervous system through the portal and how to do it
Learning how to actually feel your emotions and express them (a skill we are literally never taught)
Building a relationship with yourself, once again, something we are not taught to do
Stepping into understanding the astrological placement of your north node as a guide for portal navigation — this is one of my favorite tools, and one that’s had the most impact on me)
Feng Shui and decluttering. If you can’t accept the shedding in your external life, a powerful way to begin to accept the invite of The Portal is to at least declutter your living space. Plus many tenets of Feng Shui and energy and space clearing are super supportive during this time.
Diet/health changes (annoying, but I find because of the associations of peri menopause or menopause or other hormonal shifts for women that take place during this time, you do often have to change how you’ve been nourishing yourself)
Tips for beginning a spiritual opening/awakening/relationship — how to step more into the spiritually curious side of you that may be awakening during this time
How to accept the transformation, surrender, and let what needs to crumble, crumble.
You can’t escape the portal unscathed. There’s likely to be fear, anger, loss, resistance, conflict, grief. There will one-hundo be things that fall away like relationships, jobs, or living situations. You can bet on it. And let's not even talk about the ego death(s) that happen.
But it’s all for your highest growth and evolution, promise. And with some adroitness, some tools in your rucksack, some general awareness of what you might expect and how to navigate it, you may also take incredibly rich lessons from the time, and it may be less painful than it has to be.
Just think of me like the wise camp counselor who’s walked this scary forest path before, and knows how to help get you through it. That's what I hope to do with this series.