Welcome to the Crones Club

Happy Sunday, Soothers. I recently posted something on Instagram about meeting my emerging mid-life self that got a lot of response. I've continued the conversations with friends, clients and in my Sunday Soother Slack, so I thought today I'd compile these snippets and bring the conversation to all of you, as well. I've written previously some thoughts on aging here too that you can read.

Here's what I wrote on Instagram:

I’m starting to see my older self, my midlife self, my getting-closer-to-crone-self emerge, and for the first time I can ever recall, I’m feeling intrigued, curious, delighted even around watching myself age.

I’ve stopped wearing makeup most of the time. I’ve never colored my hair and am starting to see the grays come in at my temples with interest. Sags here and there are happening and while I can’t say all my patriarchal conditioning has me THRILLED about that, I’m still generally feeling neutral, not panicked. I’m starting to realize that this version of myself, while she’ll always have so much to learn, will have a lot to teach me, too. I’m feeling called towards areas that are new and fresh to me, that I’m a brand new student in: herbalism, gardening, land stewardship, learning how to work with plants and flowers as allies. And yet something also feels very familiar and ancient about these interests, like old friends I’m going to get reacquainted with after years or even lifetimes apart.

Mostly as I age and begin to enter my mid-40s (I’ll be 43 in January) I feel blessed to most often think, “Midlife Catherine is going to be the witchiest, weirdest, croniest person. She’s going to be tromping around the mountain hills with a walking stick and basket for herb cuttings, teaching Tarot workshops and inner child healing and hosting women’s circles in her spare time. She’ll have so much wisdom and love and magic and insight and compassion to give others, and herself.”

And I can’t wait to keep getting to know her.

This post sparked the following from the wonderful Melissa C. in my Sunday Soother Slack community. What she wrote I think could be some wonderful journal prompts for us all to reflect about, so I'm sharing them here with her permission:

Can we talk about aging? I recently turned 39 and have found myself having periods of melancholy and nostalgia (thinking a lot about where I grew up in Texas, what having a hometown means, old boyfriends, school classmates, a simpler time, the list goes on). Then I saw Catherine's post today about embracing aging with a sense of curiosity and wonder. I'm not really sure what advice I'm seeking, but I have a lot of questions. I'll drop them here in case anyone feels called to contribute.

• Do you/have you ever felt a sense of melancholy or nostalgia during certain periods of your life? How do you deal with those feelings?

• Have you discovered those feelings ever serve to teach you an important lesson or guide you forward?

• Did you ever struggle to embrace your aging self (no matter your age!) and how did you overcome it?

• How do you deal with feeling like your life turned out so differently than you imagined (even if it's for the better!)?

• And just for funsies, let's talk skincare/wellness/etc. As you age, what are your top 2 products you'd recommend for aging gracefully? (For example, I'd say retinol and weights for strength training!)

• That's a lot. But I welcome your thoughts and perspectives! This community is so full of wonderful people, brilliant perspectives, and incredible guidance--thank you all for being a light in my days and weeks!

So many wonderful folks chimed in on Melissa's posts with so much thoughtfulness and insight. And I did too! Here's what I had to say to her thoughtful Qs, and I wanted to share it with you all, too!:

I’m really glad you sparked this discussion Melissa, thank you! it's given me an idea for a workshop around this and I will call it Crones Club. (hehe) but I think this is a thoughtful area of discussion and there are not a lot of spaces to have it!

For me aging is one of the very few things in my life that has not felt totally fraught (at a least yet). I think part of it is because I am a late bloomer and I think my life will be (and already is in a lot of ways) significantly better as I age and am finally am able to embody more of my life's purpose and wisdom. my astrology kinda points to life feeling more grounded and embodied and full of my true purpose past 40, which I have found true.

I also think something that helps me is I have a very strong relationship with many past versions of myself (especially my inner children). so those feel very alive for me in a way so I don't mourn them too much because they are still accessible to me. Nature also helps me me with this. I love, love love seeing plants and trees and landscapes grow and evolve and shed and cycle and I think I can bring some of that love and wonder to my own inner and outer landscapes as it were, too. also my spirituality and trust in the universe helps too. everything ages, it's the right order of things, and there is a divinity to it.

I do have some nostalgia around my college years/early-mid 20s, it was the one period of my life where everything was just on - health, hobbies, friendships, community, romance, feeling present & creative and a bit like the world was my oyster. i've never really recaptured that all-cylinders-firing sort of feeling, and i'm not sure i ever will again, and that does make me feel a bit sad.

The time I struggled the most with aging was definitely my mid-30s, especially as everybody around me got married and starting having kids. I would say my struggle was more with the shame around not being married/having kids at my age and the attendant panic around trying to make that happen. but sometime when I was like 37 something snapped and I just didn't give a fuck anymore, I realized I could have a great life childless and unmarried (and probably I never wanted those things in the first place?) and since then aging has felt really not as complicated for me.

My life turning out so differently than I could have expected or thought it should is just like a funny universal joke to me. one thing I can handle - in some aspects of life anyways - is holding goals and outcomes gently. I really believe in free will but also at the same time I believe I'm not really in charge. like I'm on a river and I can definitely build a kayak and learn how to paddle and go in different directions or pull over to a bank but the river is still gonna take me where it will. I've always just done my best to follow the invisible string (shout out Taylor Swift) that the universe presents to me and do my best to trust in the unfolding path.

Aging HAS sometimes felt a bit more of a struggle around my physical appearance. weight gain, hair loss, wrinkles, etc - definitely I still somewhat stress about them but that also seems to be fading a way a bit. my partner is 12 years younger than me so sometimes I do have insecurities around my physical appearance in relation to that part of our relationship.

But, overall, I think I am just literally excited to be a crone witch lol. I have a sense that my future self is cooler than I've ever been, and wiser.

What do you all think, dear readers? How is aging for you? Do my thoughts on it — the wonder, the curiosity, the nostalgia, the excitement to become a full-on witch — resonate with you?

Stay tuned. I was sort of joking about the workshop called Crones Club, but also not. I absolutely believe my years ahead of me will be my most interesting, but even so there is a lot of attendant conflict, confusion, isolation and other issues when it comes to aging, particularly as a woman in a patriarchal society, so I do think it could be really nourishing and useful to have some sort of workshop or discussion series on this.