Writing a grief letter to 2020
Releasing all that has been so we can welcome in all that will be
You can listen to this essay as audio here
Happy Sunday, Soothers. Question for you: When was the last time you wrote a letter?
Like a real letter. By hand. On paper. Perhaps while staring morosely out of a window and scratching ink on the paper as if you were in a Jane Austen novel.
For me, it was probably, oh.....close to 30 years ago? I had a regular pen-palship with another girl my age that I'd met at a summer camp. We'd excitedly mail back-and-forth-bestickered-tomes, and there was a flush of excitement every time a new letter appeared in the mailbox.
Today, I use letter writing differently. I often assign it in my coaching work and for myself to process growth, heal grievances, release what needs to be let go, and allow myself to speak into the world things I may have been holding on to out of fear.
I regularly have my clients write letters to and from their future selves. I recently had a client write a release letter to her mother, saying all she resented her for and all that she still needed from her. I've had clients write letters to everyone from toxic bosses to ex-partners to their child selves.
And I think that all of us, right now, could benefit from writing a letter to 2020.
With 2020, it's been a year of... well, many things. Uncertainty. Change. Chaos. Loss. Grief. Overwhelm. Stuckness. A hell of a lot of indoor time. Restriction. Or maybe there's been some joy and adventure in there for you, too.
Whatever it's been for you, 2020 has surely been a reckoning of a sort.
And in my opinion, it would be a missed opportunity not to speak to it; to say the things you've left unsaid; to let it know how it impacted you; to grieve it; to be mad with it; to thank it; to forgive it; to understand yourself through the ways in which the two of you interacted.
I'm a believer in that you can have relationships with many things. Of course, people. But concepts. Pieces of art. Dreams. Regrets. Your past self, your present self, and your future self. And yes, I think you can have a relationship with a year.
In order to help you process 2020 so you can clear space for 2021 to come in, I've created some letter-writing prompts for you to use. My recommendation: Print these prompts out; sit down with an hour, a candle, a cup of tea, your favorite cozy music; and see what comes out.
What do you have to say to 2020? And what might it have to say back?
The prompts (start with these, or just a few of these that call to you, and see where the letter writing process takes you):
Dear 2020:
How I would describe you in three words is…
The way you made me feel most was…
Our biggest struggle together was…
I really wish that…
What I struggled with the most is…
What I may miss the most is…
I’m so angry that you…
And yet I’m thankful that…
I never wanted…
Sometimes I think about…
What I learned from you is…
I wish to forgive you for…
I hope for you that…
Now that you are leaving I feel…
What I’m happy to say goodbye to is…
After I write this letter, I am making the conscious choice to…
Finally, a couple of random things:
I plan on taking most of December and maybe some of early January off from the Soother, but before that I would like to thank you all with a couple of things:
A Soother dedicated solely to reader questions and thoughts, where I respond to and answer anything you might like to know. If you've got something you'd like to see me address, something you need help with, or just a general question about life, enter it here (it's all anonymous) and I'll gather and share them in a big old reader Q&A bonanza before the end of the year.
A snail mail letter! I'm going to write a year-end reflection letter for print only and mail one out to anybody who would like it. If you want to get a reflection letter in the mail from me, just put your mailing address here (this information will not be used for any other purpose and I'll nuke the input after everything is mailed out) and it will come sometime late December or early January! SAVING THE USPS ONE STAMP AT A TIME!