7 tips to use affirmations so they actually work

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How to use affirmations so they actually work

Happy Sunday, Soothers. If you're anything like me, you know that affirmations are a big cornerstone and tenet of self-development but they never fully just... clicked for you. Maybe they felt fake, they felt lame, you couldn't really actually believe they would work, or the affirmations you heard about felt like such a load of toxic positive hooey ("I am a gorgeous goddess, I am a millionaire many times over") that you were just turned off by the whole concept and gave up on them.

Well, I'm here to hopefully change that for you today. Consider this your guide to practically creating useful affirmations in a tangible way.

Tip #1: Generally, even though I'm hopefully going to teach you how to create and implement affirmations in a way that is useful and grounded, you are still going to probably have to get over a cringe factor of using affirmations. Just do it. Everything good for me I ever used to be cynical about is now something that absolutely changed my life (inner child work, Tarot, magic, self-compassion, etc). Cynicism is your defense mechanism for your tender, hopeful and vulnerable heart. Drop the gates, it's the only way to change. And it's okay to want to your improve yourself and be the best version of you possible and accomplish your dreams. It really is.

Tip #2: Write down 3-5 of your generally most negative thoughts about yourself. Then, create "bridge thoughts" that are believable for you or even simply neutral. For example, I used to think starting my own business was not something I knew how to do or could do or succeed at. So the original negative thought was something like, "Starting a business would take too much work." I would then create a bridge thought of something like, "Starting a business might take a lot of work, but I'm willing to try" or "I have worked hard at lots of areas of my life and had success, this isn't anything different." From there, the affirmation I might create would be "I direct my hard work towards my dream of starting my business." (Much better than just chanting maniacally over and over again, "I'm a million dollar entrepreneur" or whatever.)

Or let's say you have negative body image thoughts (welcome to the club). I used to think stuff like, "My stomach is disgusting." (Thanks patriarchy.) I might then create a bridge or neutral thought of, "I have a human stomach," or "All humans have bodies, and all humans deserve compassion." From there I might create an affirmation of, "I'm learning to accept my humanity, and that includes my body" or "All humans deserve to think loving things about themselves, and I'm learning to include myself in that, too." (Much better than chanting, "My body is beautiful and I love it" over and over again when you just don't feel that's true for you because of all the horrible body image shit all of us have been subject to.)

You can also simply ask yourself, "What would be more USEFUL to think here, instead of this original negative thought?" and that will give you some insights.

So after you do this you would ideally have 3-5 pretty believable affirmations. I like to work with 10-20 affirmations at any given time but you might want to just start with those 3-5. But also just make it your own, do as many as you want. This is life, there are literally no rules, do what feels right.

Finally, if you are still really struggling to create your own affirmations, use the app I'm going to talk about in my next tip, ThinkUp. They have sets of suggested affirmations based on different topic areas you can adopt as your own.

Tip #3: Once created, begin practicing the affirmations in a way that lands for you. For me, this looks like using the app ThinkUp. I have zero affiliation with them, I just love them (but if they're looking for brand ambassadors, call me!!!). It's an app where you can record your own affirmations and listen to them set to music. This is how I have found to use ThinkUp most effectively:

• Record your chosen affirmations in your own voice sometime after you're feeling really good. For me, that's after a workout or while I'm outside walking in the sunshine. This energy really comes through in your voice and you want that.

• After they're recorded, play around with lots of different times and ways of listening to them. For me, my affirmations are really successful when I'm listening to them while also listening to some of my favorite pump-up music on Spotify, which is an option that ThinkUp lets you choose, and while moving. Yes, I am either the woman you see on the Stairmaster listening to Beyonce and the affirmation of "I am learning to be safe and secure in the world" or the lady walking around the neighborhood bopping to Dua Lipa and chanting, "My business is joyful and is growing every day" (sometimes out loud, mostly in her mind!). There's something about the combo of movement and inspirational music, with the affirmations running just underneath, that is so helpful and really helps them bake in for me personally.

Other ways I like to listen to my affirmations:

• While driving or in the shower (I have a waterproof bluetooth speaker in the shower). These are the times that my brain goes on autopilot the most and the affirmations are apparently more successful at baking in then.

• Waking up or falling asleep - I use my MusicCozy eyemask with speakers for this.

• While I'm in the bath

• Writing them down in my journal some mornings

You can also write down your affirmations on post-its around your house and say them out loud every time you see a post-it (your mirror, your fridge, your front door, above your computer monitor, whatever).

Really, play around with it. You'll find what is most effective for you. For me, I can't beat the combo of doing something physical while saying or listening to my affirmations with music but it will be different for everybody.

Tip #4: Let it take time. Would you expect amazing upper body strength after doing one push up one day, and when you didn't get it, would just totally give up on the concept? Give practicing your affirmations 30 days, and then check in on your belief. For me, I know an affirmation is working when it just starts to feel like, yeah... duh... obviously that thing is true. Like right now I'm working a lot on believing that running your own million-dollar business can be easy and full of joy. I would say if you asked me that a year ago I would be like yeah I mean it's fun but this is also so much painful work and I am burnt out, and getting to a million dollars would take 10x as much effort, so no thank you. But now I'm like... I am starting to see how this is primarily easy and fun, and that thought is just starting to feel more natural.

Tip #5: Also know that you don't totally have to believe in affirmations, either the concept or really even the affirmations themselves to a certain point, for this to work. The longer you expose your subconscious brain to statements, they will settle in. When I thought I had to 100% already believe in my affirmations for them to work it made me resist them and practicing them more. Now it's just like, if I do 10 pushups a day, I WILL get stronger, no matter if I'm feeling whiny and sassy about the pushups or not.

Tip #6: Ask yourself every day, "If I were the kind of person who already believed these affirmations, what 3-5 actions would I take, or what 3-5 things would I be doing differently/or how would I be showing up differently?" and then DO THOSE THINGS. This is the fastest way I think to get your affirmations to land, because the embodied actions bridge the gap from the thinking of the thoughts in the head to the actual doing in the world. And when you start doing the stuff in the world, your beliefs catch up super fast.

Tip #7: Rinse and repeat. At a certain point the affirmations you're using will feel really natural and believable - it will be gradual, but it will happen. You'll just notice you're not as triggered in situations that would have you spin out beforehand, or you'll catch yourself one day thinking naturally more supportive thoughts spontaneously. It's pretty cool. That means it's time to set up a new series of affirmations and begin all over again!

Finally! Remember, also, affirmations aren't about feeling better and happy 100% of the time. For me, affirmations are about remembering 1. I am powerful 2. I always have agency. I still think negative and fear-based thoughts, and I still have self-doubt, and I probably always will because, human, but affirmations help me remember that I can rewire my brain in a way to be more useful and supportive to the kind of life I want to lead.

And that's it! I hope this was helpful to you. If you enjoyed my practical, step by step way of teaching a self-help concept, then you'll love my upcoming workshop, How to Do Shadow Work, on Saturday June 4 (sliding scale, replay available). The shadow is a psychological term for everything we can’t see in ourselves, or that we refuse to see. It is everything about us that we have been shamed about, or that we have chosen to reject in ourselves. And shadow work is truly the work of discovering a hidden wound we may not even have been aware we had, and beginning to heal it so we can be our full, whole, authentic selves. In this workshop, I'll teach you how to do shadow work in an accessible, tangible way and you'll come out of the workshop feeling like you have a map to your authentic self. Tix here.