Rituals for times of contraction and expansion
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It’s all a cycle. Here’s how to support yourself through it.
Happy Sunday, Soothers. Perhaps you, like me, know and love the quote from Anais Nin: “And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
To me, no quote better illustrates the cycle of expansion and contraction that marks nature. Shedding and inwards; tightness and fear; then bursting and blooming. Only to do it all over again, for infinity past and infinity forward.
These cycles of contraction and expansion apply to you, too. Much like nature, you (since you are of nature, you are not separate from nature, you are nature and she is you) grow in a dance of expansions and then contractions, one after the other.
Expansion is not better than contraction; contraction is not worse than expansion, though our patriarchal society, so focused on linearity and growth at all costs, would have you believe so.
Because, however, we’re so conditioned to believe that contraction is a negative event, we don’t create healthy rituals or processes to work through it. Instead, if we’re in a season of contraction, we ignore signals from our body like exhaustion or lack of motivation and tell ourselves that we must push through. This then can result in behaviors like burnout, self-sabotage (have you listened to my latest podcast on self-sabotage? I got more feedback on this one than any before) or collapse.
Then, when we’re in a season of expansion, we don’t necessarily temper it or know how to thoughtfully take advantage of it or set our course in alignment with where the expansion might want to take us.
Right now, I’m in a season of expansion after one of some serious contraction. I know it was contraction because the past two months were deep inwards journeys where I felt that I mostly wanted to be quiet, walk, teach those who had already signed up for my courses; because I was spending time off social media, on a break from this newsletter, supporting family, being ill with COVID.
But now I feel the energy recalibrating again. I’m overflowing with creative ideas for the Sunday Soother as well as workshops and courses (like my upcoming workshop on the inner critic). I have more energy to do things like walk or work out, and I’m making plans for the next few months.
What about you? Where are you now? Contraction, or expansion? Contraction will feel lower energy, there may be some quietness, an illness, an inward, a shedding, a need to let go, a tightness, a doubt, a darkness. Expansion will feel like growth, movement, action, overflow.
Whatever part of the cycle you’re in, I wanted to offer you a ritual for each. When you intentionally support yourself through cycles of contraction or expansion, these seasons pass with a bit more ease.
Contraction ritual: I learned this one from Rachael Maddox and her awesome podcast, Rebloom our World. She talks about contraction as a time of processing and digesting, and she offers the following steps: 1. Light a candle and play some soft music 2. Write down 3 pages with each line starting with the prompt, “I am digesting…” and write about whatever has been going on for you. 3. Take a nap, even if it’s just lying down for 3 minutes, or do child’s pose. 4. Do some gentle celebration — dancing, getting outside, cooking something nourishing. This ritual allows you to move through the contraction like, well, you’re literally digesting something out of your body with these processing and rest steps.
For an expansion ritual, I’ll offer one of my own making. Expansion energy is something I think is useful to thoughtfully harness and direct, instead of just letting it drag you all over the place while it gallops off wildly. I love to use candle magic in rituals, so try this: decide on an intention for your season of expansion (Creativity, Career, Self-Love, whatever). Taking a needle or safety pin, scratch that word into the top or side of a candle. Light the candle and close your eyes, feeling in your body where that expansion is happening. Let the candle burn down (in a fire-proof/safe way) as long as it takes. Then, the next 9 days take one small aligned action, no matter how small, towards that intention of expansion. At the end of those 9 days, play and dance to a song that aligns with your energy of expansion, and imagine yourself shooting golden dust from your dance into the universe, drawing in all your opportunities.
May these rituals support you, whatever part of the cycle you are in. Just know this: If you’re in a season of contraction, nothing has gone wrong. The tightness and pain of the bud of the flower before it blooms is contraction.
Your expansion is coming. Trust the timing.
I wanted to invite you to a brand-new workshop I am hosting on Sunday, February 27th: Integrating Your Inner Critic! This two-hour workshop will guide you into gentle relationship with your inner critic in a way you likely haven’t ever experienced before. Part teaching, part live self-discovery and journaling exercises, part ceremony and ritual, this workshop will guide you into an entirely different way of experiencing and relating to your inner critic, that will allow you to step into self-gentleness and self-trust. All you’ll need to bring is a journal and pen or pencil, as well as a goal you’ve been struggling with due to your inner critic. Early bird $77, goes up to $99 on Feb. 21st; 72-hour replay for those who cannot attend live. Tickets here!
💓 Also, my intentional dating course is going to open for enrollment this spring! Get yourself on the waitlist here. All that happens when you sign up on the waitlist is I send you some emails and you’ll have the chance for a discount and bonuses should you decide to sign up for the course. I just learned two people got engaged since taking this course in 2020! AH!! This course is for you if you want dating (or any relationships, really) to go from feeling like a spiral of shame and confusion to a journey of clarity and intuition.