Stop trying to make the "right" decision and do this instead
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You can get better at making decisions, just not how you've been taught.
Happy Sunday, Soothers. In my own personal work, and that of my clients, I naturally deal with a lot of black and white thinking. A lot of perfectionism. A lot of fear around getting things "right." Making the "best" decision.
This is one of the ways in which we're taught to approach life, goals, making decisions, progress, moving forward.
And rarely do I deem something "wrong" or "right", because there's about a billion subtleties to any situation in life, but I am going to go there here:
Trying to figure out the "right" decision is 100% the wrong approach.
When people try to figure out the "right" way to move forward, that is the thing that keeps them stuck. I see clients get stuck in what I call "research mode," spending hours, weeks, months, years! in google mode, attempting to dissect and discern the best way, the most efficient way, the optimal way, the perfect way, the way that is going to preserve their ego, the way that won't bring them any fear, the way in which they can guarantee there won't be failure.
And in this belief that there is a "right" way to move forward — or ANY way in which you won't experience fear, embarrassment, failure, uncertainty — is what is going to guarantee you won't make the kind of progress or achievements that you deserve and are worthy of in your life.
So here are a few tips for what to try instead.
Understand there is no "right" decision, only choices that produce different results. And if you get to a result you don't like, you can always make a set of new choices.
One of my favorite ways to see if a decision is feeling good to me, is to write down all the reasons I am making that decision. Do I like my reasons? Then that's good enough. Time to go. So get clear on the REASONS you are making a choice. If you like the majority of those reasons, then you are in good shape.
Use your values as guiding lightposts. Don't know your values? I teach an authentic value discovery process in my intentional + intuitive goal setting course; you can also use this free DeMartini Values Quiz that I like. If you know your values, you can reflect on a choice, and decide which one will embody more of your true values.
Look back at things that "worked out" and see if you can document the process that got you to those decisions, and see if it is semi-repeatable.
Stop waiting for "knowing," and try "sensing" instead. Rarely do we get to 100% "knowing" if something is right for us. But you can lean into it, using your intuition. Or try to get to like, 70% "knowing" instead of 100%, and go from there.
Ask yourself, if I make this decision, who is the person I will become in the process? We know that the arrival at destinations/goals are rarely the thing that change us. The journey does. Which decision or choice will help you grow into more of the person you want to be?
Learn to manage your discomfort tolerance and increase your emotional resiliency. The more discomfort you can be with, the easier it will become to make choices, because you won't be spending all your time trying to discover the path of least resistance. I did a video on this with some tips over here on Instagram.
Increase your ability for flexible thinking. Often when we're making a decision or choice we're paralyzed because we think it's either only do something, or don't do something. I'd encourage you to brainstorm 20 options that actually exist in between, even if your brain can't see them right now. Doing this sort of brainstorming — even if it feels way too much of a stretch or too hard — is how you train your brain to see more possibility in all situations.
I'd love to hear your tips for how you make decisions. And if you're deciding right now whether or not to enroll in Soothe, try these tips above — and get in touch. There are only 3 spots left and I expect them to enroll in the next couple of weeks.
Soothe, my mastermind for sensitive women starts in September. Read about Soothe here, and book a discovery call with me about it here.
Also, I'm about to go to Wyoming for my grandmother's service and then Indiana to spend some time with my boyfriend's family. I may be on a bit of hiatus, depending on my energy. So if you don't see the Soother hitting your inboxes, just picture me making the decision to have a glass of wine on the riverbanks of my Indiana cabin, or spending some extra time visiting meaningful spots to me in Wyoming and holding my grandmother in my memory and heart. I will be doing the Sunday Soother Open House on August 11th, though!